Funky Thoughts of the Day

What the... I'm Back? And Other Skyway Tales

2006-08-30T22:23:00.000-05:00

So, I may have jumped the gun a little my previous post. I am back, but so freaking busy that it is hard to find time to write in the blogging world. A sincere shout out (you don't often hear of shout outs anymore) and apology to my fans.

As I put it to one of my friends, I am like Prince's vault of music. I have so much to write about, all I have to do is dust off some of my thoughts, and away we go.

And away we go...

The skyway. What an interesting culture. Yes, I said culture. Seriously. You don't have to go outside and it just winds on endlessly. Each day I venture a little bit further to see what is out there. One day I looked out at this beautiful park and thought, WOW! I should eat out there! But no, I stayed in the skyway. There are restaurants of all types (but more chinese places than you can shake a stick at), convenience stores (I really should be playing the lotto more), shoe shiners, hair salons, and even a locksmith!

Ahhh, but my story today is about how I found, what appears to be, a relative from a previous CFUNKYTHOUGHTS posting. You know the one - The "What you want!?" episode? C'mon, I know you read it like a bajillion times (not quite as much as a cajillion). Well, there is a particular restaraunt in the skyway where the food is great and you are greated with a loud, "What you want!?" every time. But of course, my thought process takes this one step further. Of course, the woman behind the counter is thinking, "What you want fat white boy? This your third time here this week - we don't sell anything to help you lose weight!" And with a great big smile, I say, I will have fried rice, an egg roll and whatever that fatening stuff is. And the response? We all out of fried rice fat white boy! Nice. But I got the last laugh. I waited. Yea, I was late for work, but I waited. And yes, the rice tasted funny, but at least they were laughing behind my back as I headed across the way to get a 24 oz diet Mountain Dew for the price of a 20oz Dew. So economical. I even bought a bus pass. Just if I rode the bus.

Till next time... Just wait for Skyway Tales volume 2. Typically released each Tuesday.

Peace out.

PS - I would like to rescind an earlier comment made this year poking fun at the Detroit Tigers. They have proved everyone wrong, including myself and have proved they are a solid club. Nice job boys. Keep up the good work, but if you have to throw it so the Twins can move on, so be it.

I'm Back Baby!

2006-07-27T23:46:00.000-05:00

Ahh... Back to the blogging world it is for me. After a quick hiatis (I am a poor speller and too lazy to spell check), the network wanted me back, so here I am.

This has been an interesting month, so let's recap:

*started new job at one of the biggest and bestest banks (which seems to be going well, but very busy and very different than academe).
*essentially began living with girlfriend (who has bi polar, hence this experience has been up and down) and her son. Both are wonderful and I love them dearly.
*playing in an adult hockey league and tearing it up

Jobs are boring and no one wants to hear about some adult getting way to into hockey as if he was a kid again. So, for those reasons, I have decided to enlighten the world with knowledge that my gf has bi polar. From this pt forward, I will write about my experiences and thoughts as I am getting an front row view of what I consider to be one of the worst diseases to have. Disclaimer, just one of the worst, not the worst. And probably a lot more worse since I deal with it on a daily and personal basis.

I am amazed at how unstable a seemingly loving relationship can be. One day (often times its minutes), the relationship is spectacular - like nothing I have ever experienced. And then BAM! Whatever the exact opposite is occurs. For example, within 1 hour, I have been screamed at, told I was loved and am wonderful, and screamed at again. Well, I must have been being a complete ass you say? Yeah, not quite. Perhaps I asked too many questions. Or wanted to know how her day was.

I am amazed (not in a good way) at how one day, Anna wants me around and won't stop touching me or loving me. And then the next day all of that affection is gone. No touching, no random calls or text messages saying I love you. And I can't even go near her. Can't touch her. The feeling of my breath on her is too much to handle. My body heat makes her want to scream. And then Anna disappears.

When we first moved in, Anna would tell me everything that was going on. Then, when things got really bad (sorry, I can't go into this now), she began to close up. Now she is the hardest person to talk to. And all I ever hear is, "I don't feel like talking;" "I'm tired, I'm going to bed;" I just want to watch TV." I shouldn't say that is all I ever hear. But it has now been 2 days since we have had a conversation lasting longer than5 minutes.

I could go on and on about my thoughts on this matter and probably will over the course of time. I promise not to be "Captain Rain on My Parade" (copyright The Steph) because to be quite honest, I think I am one hell of a funny guy. Once you get to know me anyway.

I think this is a good avenue for me to express what is going on. If others want to contribute or comment, I would appreciate it. At this point, as the boyfriend of a wonderful woman with bi polar, I am looking for support, answers, hints, or just about anything that will help. Because 3 months ago I was strong and patient. Tonight I sit here on the verge of tears with very little strength or patience, confused, frustrated, and hurt. I love her and want to be there for her.

So, I will leave you with this question and if you made it this far, thanks. My question of the night is: How do you know what is bi polar and what is a person's personality?

My hope is to have a little more uplifting blurb for all of my loyal viewers tomorrow. Till then!

Peace out.

19 Signs You Are Wasting Your Time

2006-06-21T16:48:00.000-05:00

As written by Mens Health writer Steve Calechman. From a guys perspective.

19 Signs You're Wasting Your TimeFind out if you could be using your time more efficiently
By: Steve Calechman

1. Any weather small talk that lasts longer than 4 seconds (unless it involves a car floating away). If you have nothing to talk about other than the weather, face it, you have nothing to talk about.

2. Three dates. No tongue.

3. Two years. No raise.

4. The person running the meeting asks, "Could someone get the lights?"

5. Your beloved quotes from Spinal Tap--"So what's wrong with being sexy?" or "It's like we have armadillos in our trousers" or "But these go to 11"--get no reaction.

6. The other person quotes Billy Madison.

7. You hit triple digits on the cable box, decide to cycle through once more, and realize that What Women Want is still the best option.

8. You spend more than an hour and a half a day in the gym. What's the point of building all those muscles if you don't get out once in a while and use them?

9. You've been intro-duced to someone three times, and he still doesn't remem-ber your name. Don't be angry. Just smile and let him know you've met several times, and you remember him well. You now own his ass.

10. She says it's enough to have seen the Eiffel Tower in Vegas.

11. You try to forget how much your ex-girlfriend made you laugh, or how much your ex-boss made you cry--as if selectively erasing major parts of your life were possible without being kidnapped by a government agency.

12. The speaker says, "Please hold your applause until I finish reading all the names." Break out your BlackBerry, get something done.

13.You watch any movie featuring a mischievous kid who advises adults.

14. She asks during your first conversation, "So, what do you like to do for fun?" which is the single dumbest question that can ever be asked of a person. Our advice: Just smile and answer, "It's not what, but who."

15. You look at your watch during any activity. Either find something you really want to do or stop wearing a watch.

16. You listen to John Mayer for any other reason than to get a woman to take off her shirt.

17. You give your honest feedback to someone who says, "I want your honest feedback."

18.You read any e-mail with the subject line "This is not a hoax."

19. You allow someone more than 3 minutes to try to change your opinion. If he can't do it in that window, say, "Look, Ed, you're not going to change my view here. So let's stop pissing away valuable minutes and talk about something else." (Except the weather, of course.)

The Final Countdown

2006-06-20T08:53:00.000-05:00

Sorry to disappoint... You will not see the lyrics to that wonderful Europe song (I think this is a Europe song and yes, it is wonderful). What you will see here is the start of the countdown to my last day of employment in my current position. This marks the first time I will switch careers as I move to a banking conglomerate.

With the change comes the possibility of less blogging as I figure out what I can and can not do at work.... Please have patience, my wonderful viewers! Know that I am committed to providing inspirational blogs and amazing advice (see "Dumpster Diving" by CFUNK for my most recent amazing advice).

Let the countdown begin at t minus 51 hours.

Happy Counting.

Intervention

2006-06-16T16:45:00.000-05:00

Dear Orbitron,

This is an intervention.

First, we want to say that we love you.

This is nothing personal, but we feel that we need to take this step before you can further develop your relationships with those you care about. We can't understand 97.3% of what you say when you don't write it down. And we feel that it's impacting our ability to effectively and efficiently communicate and share our lives with you.

We believe that your cell phone, although it looks like it comes from the 22nd century, contains electronics from the first Texas Instruments calculator. At times, it sounds as though you have wrapped a crumpled up brown paper bag around your phone and dunked your head in a bucket of water while bobbing for apples. Other times, you call us when the New York Symphany Orchestra and the Boston Pops have lined up next to each for the big finale during the 4th of July fireworks display at a NASCAR race.

Please spit the marshmallows out or gulp them down before talking. This is not a campfire. It’s a conversation.

Now clean up that venti light java chip frappachino no whip double-blended that just got spewed, and just talk to us.

Dumpster Diving

2006-06-14T13:28:00.000-05:00

Ahh... The life-long sport of dumpster diving. One man's garbage is another's treasure. Dumpster diving is much like garage sailing, but without the time restrictions and need to pay for stuff. I have not done enough dumpster diving in my day, but have picked up a few gems.

The reason for bringing up dumpster diving today? Over the weekend, I was cleaning out my garage and decided to part ways with a fantastic garage couch. And by fantastic, I mean, ugly, worn down, holes in it from the mice, and somewhat smelly. For the record, it may or may not have been smelly before becoming a garage couch, so stop blaming the mice. Er... Wait a minute...

Well, I put said couch on the curb for all to see. As if it was one last hurrah for the couch. And within 3 hours, the couch was being hoisted onto the roof of some old 1980's hooptie by a lovely couple (you can picture for yourself how lovely this couple with a 1980's hooptie was). Cushions in the trunk, couch on the roof. No rope, no ties, nothing to secure the couch but a hand from each window on the side. Nice. And the sport of dumpster diving continues. I feel better knownig garage couch went to a nice family that will use it for something better than a home for wayward mice.

A quick piece of advice for newcomers to the sport of dumpster diving: The best place to take part in dumpster diving is in wealthier neighborhoods. You will find some upscale items that often have not been used.

Good luck to all and enjoy this lovely sport that America has given us.

Tagged... 5 Items

2006-06-12T09:21:00.000-05:00

5 Items

5 Items in my fridge
This is a funny one because people in the know realize I have very little in my fridge. But here is what you will find:

*Old rabbit food
*Country Crock Vegetable Spread
*Ranch Dressing
*A little Hypnotic
*Root Beer Schnapps

*Note: These are my items only as I am sure The Roomie has way more items than I do!

5 Items in my closet

*Clothes
*Ties
*Baseball Caps
*Shoes
*Bags
*Porn? Okay maybe not, but if I did own porn, wouldn't it be in the closet?

5 Items in my car

*Hockey Sticks
*Compass
*Eclipse breath mints (Truly the best mints EVER)
*Change for soda
*Racquetball racquet (Note to readers - The Steph and The Roomie have not played racquetball with CFUNK in many months. My 30 game unbeaten streak against them continues. Perhaps it was the taunting when I was up 14-2 that made them not want to play with me? Seriously, its part of the game, right?)

5 Items in my purse

No purse - sorry y'all, but I ditched the purse. I am too lazy.

Thanks for playing 5 items with CFUNK today. Now, you too can play at home. Simply write down (or copy and paste from this site, the way I did) 5 Items and pick a few categories. Voila!

Till next time...

The Pond of Death by CFUNK

2006-06-01T14:43:00.000-05:00

What a great name for a book. Of course the book would be so popular that it would become a movie. And not a made-for-tv movie either. I would have The Steph do a movie review on her blog where she would give it two thumbs up even though I cast the wrong people in the movie. Ahh....

Well, let me tell you a little about the pond of death. It sounds like it would be this dark, nasty, and scummy pond that invites little animals in to drink or eat and then BAM! sucks them in and kills them off. Well, the pond of death is really just that, but the man made version and it sits in my backyard.

When I bought my house, I saw the pond and thought, "Oh cool/cute! A coy pond..." Now I think, "What will I see dead in the pond today?" And I am usually not dissapointed. Not even upset. Just amazed (copyright Anchorman).

Take away the sadness of animals dying, the collection of dead things in the pond is quite impressive. Last summer there were squirrels, ducks, rats, moles, mice, chipmunks, birds, and then of course, some unidentifiable animals. And Tuesday marked the ponds first victim of the summer months - a big, fat squirrel.

The big question is how do these animals end up dying in the pond? We are talking about a 6 by 4 foot pond that is about 3.5 feet deep, if that. No, I have not poisoned the pond as a way of animal control, although there are less homeless cats than there used to be. The easy answer is that there is a predator killing the animals and bringing them to the pond for a little dinner drink (how romantic). I have seen a fox and an owl around my house...

BUT, I would like to think the pond has some sort of power over animals... That it is not just a pond, but an evil pond (use your best Dr. Evil voice here). My hope is that the pond of death doesn't turn into some sort of pet cemetary made of water... All those dead animals coming back to life creeps me out.

Moral of the story, don't drink the water from my pond. And if you must pee in the pond of death, please be careful. You have been warned.

Out.

Beer Shortage in Canada? Oh oh... Rioting anyone?

2006-05-25T13:14:00.000-05:00

Too good not to post... Copied from CTV.ca News Staff

Edmonton hockey fans create beer emergency
Updated Tue. May. 23 2006 11:34 PM ET
CTV.ca News Staff
As the Oilers battle their way to the Stanley Cup finals, bar owners in Edmonton are scrambling to keep beer on ice for thirsty hockey fans.
A report in the Edmonton Sun says managers of bars on Whyte Avenue, known as the Blue Mile during the hockey playoffs, have had to place emergency orders for beer.
John MacDonald, manager of Hudsons Tap House, sent his staff out to the local liquor store to replenish supplies on Sunday, when Edmonton beat Anaheim 3-1.
Liquor suppliers have also told him that it's busier now than it is at Christmas, which is traditionally the busiest time of the year, the Sun reported MacDonald as saying.
More than 10,000 fans were reportedly on Whyte Avenue on Sunday night, following the Oilers win against the Mighty Ducks. There were no reported instances of violence.
Oilers fans had previously made headlines for disturbances on Whyte Avenue. People have been stabbed, assaulted, and stores have been vandalized.
Premier Ralph Klein has asked fans to show some restraint.
"This is something to celebrate, not something that results in hooliganism," the premier said.
Edmonton is up two games against Anaheim heading into Game 3 Tuesday night at Rexall Place. Game 4 will be played on Thursday.
No Canadian team has won the Stanley Cup since 1993, and many Canadians are pinning their hopes on the Oilers, who took five Stanley Cup titles between 1984 and 1990.

Food & Stuff...

2006-05-25T08:51:00.000-05:00

Before I get started, I just want to say that the big news has been leaked... The Steph has passively indicated that I will announce my candidacy for president. It appears that I may get at least one write-in vote, provided I can sing better than Taylor Hicks.

So, today we go to a great little Vietnamese-French bakery for lunch. Why do I get so excited on these days? Well, let me tell you. The stories and the awesome food. First the stories. The bakery is a converted Burger King that sells croissants, cookies, and one type of sandwich. All of it is spectacular. Hmmm... And affordable. You can't go wrong for the price - possibly the best kept secret of the Twin Cities. C'mon, you have to love eating Vietnamese-French food in an old BK. Nothing beats the atmosphere.

The stories... The bakery gets a lot of service as the food is that good. We typically order 2 sandwiches each and a soda. Well, one day we are eating our lunch in the dining area and one of the owners comes out to say, "You go now, we closed." The bakery closes daily at 1pm. But it was only 12:30! So, dumbfounded, we asked if they closed at 1. "We close early today." I guess. We were the only customers there. Our relationship with the owners of the bakery have been weird every since. And if by weird I mean...

Story #2: We are waiting in line, and when it comes time to order, we ask for 4 sandwiches total. The response was, "Ahh, we may not have enough." What? There were still 4 people in line behind us - what were they going to order? The woman disappears to the back and comes out with a bunch of sandwiches. They were really good that day - hopefully there was not any "special sauce" on them.

Story #3: More of a conitnuation of each time we go to the bakery. We wait in line and when the woman notices who we are, her smile dissappears and she says, "Ohh... What you want?" But we hear, "Ohhh, you fat white boys again! What the f*** do you want this time?" We often hope that there are pre-made sandwiches there so that we don't have to wonder what "extra" ingrediants are being added.

Story #4: Last week we made the trip east to the bakery. "We would like four sandwiches and some soda." I am not sure what was yelled next, but my partner in crime looked at me and said, "I think she just cussed at us." Probably, but man those sandwiches and croissants are so tasty. As long as I don't get sick or die, I am okay with the abuse (actually, just perceived abuse).

And so ends today's tale of Food & Stuff. A little bit on food and a little bit on stuff. I made a deliberate point to not write about American Idol since everyone and their brother probably wrote on that topic today. Is there anyone else out there that boycotts shows like AI simply because everyone is so into it?

Till next time... Peace out.

PS - I forgot to mention what presidency I am running for - the General Club. Yes, it is a secret organization that was formed this year. Only a select group of people in the Twin Cities are familiar. Sorry for the secrecy. I will let you know how my campaign goes and perhaps the GC will gain popularity so you all will know what it is about. (Hint - it is based on general stuff, hence the name).

At your request... Trains, part deux

2006-05-18T09:32:00.000-05:00

Hopefully, today's posting will be better than Hot Shots Part Deux. Shouldn't be too tough. Sorry Charlie Sheen, but man that movie was borderline bad.

So, I was a little disappointed to learn that sarcasm does not come out in the blog world. I guess tone is really hard to tell in writing. I will have to work on that. The funny thing about Trains part one is that I thought it was a boring story and was trying to make fun of myself. But obviously it was a great story because I have had sooooo many people requesting trains part two. Well, as they say, give the people what they want!

By mere coincidence (NOT ironically), after posting my previous blog, I headed home to help my gf move. Around 9:30 in the pm, we are heading south on 35 dub thinking about the smooth sailing (I love that term) of a 25 minute drive to lovely Bloomington, MN. And BAM! 3 lanes become one (sounds like love song)... Expedition with trailer trying to merge = sucky. It was actually not that bad. What caused this mess you are asking yourself? Road construction of course! It is almost summer here in MN and that means that road construction is in full force. Everyone wonders why road construction is so bad in the summer here. Well, when you only have 3 months to fix the roads, a lot needs to get done in a little amount of time. As a side note, I send my apologies to that one construction worker that I clipped. I would have gone back, but it appeared to only have been a flesh wound.

The drive to the shopping mecca of the world took about 50 minutes. I could have walked most of the way there faster (just if I was not lazy and out of shape... And could carry a couch on my back).

So, there you have it. I didn't think I would experience another road block travisty (sp?), but it happened the very same day I commented on road blocks.

On a more serious note... Send thoughts and prayers to our receptionist, Mary, and her family who lost their father yesterday. I think he was 90 years old and had brain cancer. I hope he is in a better place now.

Join me tomorrow when we talk about fun things like shooting stuff from the recliner in the house, why the Twins can't beat the Detroit Tigers (C'mon, it's the freaking TIGERS), and maybe even some other random thoughts.

Peace.

2006-05-16T09:47:00.000-05:00

Trains...

Lately traffic heading north on Snelling has been awful. Its as if everyone in St. Paul has decided to use the same road to go home from work. So, last week I decided to take an alternate path home... It was smooth sailing until BAM! A freaking train had backed traffic up... And not just any train. It was the longest train in history (unofficial). I was in the midst of looking it up on guinessbookofworldrecords.com, but was so frustrated from just sitting there that I gave up. I have never waited that long for a train. It was one of these trains where every car looked like it could be the last car, but then another one would appear. It was the train from hell. Luckily, I was saved by a phone call from a friend. 10 minutes and 77 swear words later, I was on my way. In all honesty, I actually thought, as the train passed, that it would stop and go in reverse... Just to spite me... Stupid train gods... What did I do to them?

The Steph and I came up with a great plot for a sitcom: Stuck at a train stop. That's it. Just stuck at the train and talking on the phone about whatever is going on. Once in awhile there would be flashbacks to stuff that happened that day. Or maybe there was a police chase and the bad guy hits the train. Or a medical emergency and I have to save the victim. And of course there would be romance. Violence, action, drama, romance, comedy; all while waiting for a train to pass thru. Can you say Emmy? I can feel that gold statue now...

So, I have had 29 hits to my first blog posting ever! I have been tossing around the idea of posting it to Ebay and giving the funds to charity. Or just not blogging ever again and going out on a high note (copyright Seinfeld). But then I realized that I had accounted for 26 of the hits and the others came from a few random aquainances. I guess I better keep writing...

Join me tomorrow when I talk about other awesome road obstructions. Please feel free to add your own wonderful road block stories.

2006-05-11T09:47:00.000-05:00

Did you know that in parts of FL, you may shoot up to 12 squirrels a day without a hunting license? Interesting fact of the day...

So, this is my first entry in the world of blogging. Yes, I am jumping on the bandwagon. For people that know me, I don't like to jump on, and well, will jump off quickly in some cases (ie Piper Baseball). I am excited to be able to write down my thoughts in this format - it will be fun to look back at all the crazy stuff I write. And to be able to laugh at how boring I might actually be. I guess only time will tell...